my kids can be assholes. This is ok for me to say because I love my kids more than anything. But even they have their moments.
Plus, I made it generic, sort of.
I have 2 great kids. Every now and again though, they do something that makes me lose it. Not listening. Kicking each other. Wiping a booger on the dog.
And I yell.
I don’t know where this comes from. Something snaps, my heart rate jumps and a deep, house-trembling BOOM screams from my mouth and slams into my kids. Sometimes it makes them stop, but it usually doesn’t.
Even if it does, it’s not the right way for me to handle it.
Because it’s not their fault.
This is MY problem.
I know it’s wrong the instant it happens. Sometimes I have this little preemptive warning flash. I can’t stop it — it’s just kind of a “buckle up” moment. And then I have to straighten the picture frames when it’s over.
It needs to stop. I’ve been making small steps. Just a little better.
Before, I didn’t even get that quick signal before the explosion.
Honest Abe Moment: This is the reason I started the blog. I need to hold myself accountable for this. So I’ve started reading more about the subject and listening to audiobooks. I think I found one that works! Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, by Laura Markham. (No, not THAT Dr. Laura.)
For the record, I never physically harm anyone. Not my kids. Not my wife. Not my dogs. I would need to do more than blog to fix that. Plus, my wife would take half my stuff.
I’m an otherwise patient and peaceful person.
I won’t get into details, (maybe another time) but as of this posting, I’ve had the first 100% voice-raising-free week I can remember. And I had great days with my family. Even when my patience was tested. It felt REALLY good. (Especially when I saw 2 other dads lose their cool at T-ball practice. No judgement here. That would have been me a week earlier.)
This is going to take a lot of work. And I’m committing to being as great a dad to my kids as my father was to me. I owe it to him, to them and my wife.
Speaking of my wife, I showed her this blog. So now it’s really real. It’s officially been read by 1 person who isn’t me. And it’s the person I’m doing this for. So, here’s to getting better.