My 7-Day Breakup with Facebook & Why I Just Want to Be Friends

Dear Facebook:

Things were getting ugly. I guess we should have seen it coming, but the fact is, this wasn’t planned. It just sort of happened.

I missed the way things used to be between us. Bad kid photography & that sneezing panda video we all loved…

But you got a little crazy last year. And last Friday, Inauguration Day, I…I just needed a little space.

And here’s what I learned during our 7-day separation.

Day 1: Friday (Inauguration Day)

Avoiding you today was surprisingly easy. I was busy at work with an all-day meeting so I really didn’t have time to miss you. No midday check-in. Important things were happening, obviously, so I still kept up with some news on Twitter. Oh, don’t be jealous. I only follow a few brands & industry folks on there, so I knew I was in a safe place. Then I kept myself busy with a family dinner & a movie when I got home.

It was…nice.

Day 2: Saturday

Today was a fun day with the kids. I missed you a little and even caught myself reaching out to check on you while watching TV—but then I remembered… I wish I could have shared the funny things my son did with you, but it can wait.

I checked Twitter to read about the Women’s March. Overall I’m still happy with my decision.

Day 3: Sunday

Uh oh. You sent me a notification. Maybe it was just a butt dial. OK, I allowed myself to check it, but I did NOT check  your news feed. I even covered the screen with my hand so as not to see anything. Turns out it was a one of those “So-And-So Is Live” ones. NBD. (BTW, can we please stop with those?)

The hardest part was when we all went to the Center for Puppetry Arts. I wanted to share a super-cute pic of the kids with Sprocket from Fraggle Rock with you—but I didn’t. And the distraction-free time with everyone was a welcome change.

Day 4: Monday

I missed you a little today. The break definitely felt more real. You teased me with another notification. You said that the Star Wars page I follow changed it’s name to Episode 8 – The Last Jedi. You evil temptress, you. I really wanted to click that.

So I headed to Twitter…

You can blame yourself for that one, FB. You drove me straight into her arms.

Day 5: Tuesday

My wife asked if I had seen her post. She was surprised when I told her I was holding steady with the break-up.

She told me you two had spoken more than usual lately. But nothing dirty. Just some good-natured, non-political stuff.  She said she wanted to put some good in the world. And she gave me a few updates about our friends. Of course I wanted to see it, but if I had come this far, I could wait a few more days.

The whole thing  made me realize how disconnected from each other we all are. I knew I could reach out to people,  but we both know I probably won’t…

Day 6: Wednesday

Checked your notification and caught a glimpse of that “Memory” frame you know I like. I didn’t see what it was, because my hand was covering it—but having that open loop made me think about you for a few minutes. Cheap technique…

I started a mental list of whose pages I’d visit when I logged back on. Starting to feel pretty disconnected from my close friends. And wondering if they’ve even noticed I’ve left.

Probably not…

Also, I found out that I need to provide a link to my son’s fundraising project. It’s tough to justify delaying that, but it will give my wife’s post for my daughter a chance to gain some traction without an overlap.

Maybe that’s an excuse but it seems plausible.

Oh, and I saw Mary Tyler Moore passed away. Turns out Twitter is as good at providing news as you. Maybe better since I only saw it twice rather than 936 times..

I went old school internet and started checking more actual websites. But I guess it’s normal to reminisce about the past after a break-up.


Day 7: Thursday

I had a question for a group I’m only connected to on you today. But it can wait until tomorrow…

At noon, I accidentally drove by your house. I clicked your bookmark instead of the one above you. Maybe it was subconscious. Maybe just an old habit. either way, I bounced before anything loaded.

Only one more day. Only one more day…

And Now We’re Done…

So it’s over. After I finish this post, I’m going to log in and see you for the first time in a week.

Honestly though, I just want us to be friends now. I don’t want us spending so much time together. This time apart has been good for me. It allowed me to focus more on my family. And I’m kind of starting to like your friend Twitter. She’s got more to offer than I initially gave her credit for.

I’m still not terribly fond of your buddies, Instagram & Snapchat though…

Please don’t be surprised if I disappear for stretches at a time. Now that I know I can do it, I’ll probably go away more often. But I see you for you now. You’ve got a lot to offer. I’m glad you’re in my life.

But seriously, please stop with those Live notifications.

Love, Your Friend,